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Not Your Mother’s Closet: Life Advice from Babe Walker of White Girl Problems

Can’t get enough of Babe Walker’s ‘White Girl Problems‘ wit? Don’t fret—the outrageous girl about town recently stopped by Barneys to chat with our resident charmer Simon Doonan, who asked Babe some of his most burning questions. Below, the sassy author, champion tweeter and blogger extraordinaire dishes about the meaning of life, falling asleep in a Barneys dressing room and life as a Goyard-aholic.

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Simon Doonan: Babe, what is the meaning of life?

Babe Walker: My yoga breathing coach told me last week that the most complicated questions tend to have the simplest answers. So with that in mind, I’d say that life has no “meaning,” it’s just a colorful ride towards death. That’s why I wear so much Céline.

Are you, or have your ever been, put in a headlock by store security?

Once, during a period in my life that is altogether too dark to review here, I fell asleep in a nest of ready-to-wear in a Barneys dressing room, spent the night there, and had to be escorted out the next morning by guards. My hair was so greasy. I got a hold of the security footage and burned it, obviously. I just feel very at home in your store.

How many Goyard totes do you own? Please don’t pad your answer to impress us. We are already deeply impressed by you.

Thirty-seven. I hoard!

Where do you stand on the issue of privacy. Have you ever been put under surveillance?

I had a stalker. Well, it’s a long story, so I’m writing a book about it now, but I feel like a lot of girls have stalkers and no one ever talks about it. Stalkers are real, people, and honestly it’s become my purpose to spread awareness about this issue. But it’s summer now, so whether you have a stalker or not, you should be out there having fun, sipping rosé, and wearing an extremely high and non-sensible pair of Guiseppe heels to the beach.

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We can’t all have 37 Goyard totes (or can we?), but we can make sure we’re appropriately dressed for a foe’s wedding, a summer music festival or a hot date. Below, Babe offers some excellent advice for dressing for the summer party circuit.

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